i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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