Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
