It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You've changed since you got that strap on
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
