Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
