party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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