Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
