**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
