new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
