you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
