dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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