My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
