u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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