a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
