got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
