We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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