He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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