So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
