this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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