It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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