I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
