I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
