Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
