I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
