i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
