god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
