6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There r osticjed everywhere
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
