on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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