I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish life had little blips of pornography
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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