I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
