There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
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