I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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