I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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