We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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