ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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