I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
