We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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