the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
