Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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