all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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