drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
