I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm always down for nudity.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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