I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
