Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize