She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
