A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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