just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
