Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
