You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
