I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
