Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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