things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
