i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
