the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
