Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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