i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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