no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
