your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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