well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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