why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
