Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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