i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can I color on your dick again?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
