"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
