It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
