how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You left your phone here
Wait...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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