He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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