It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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