I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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