I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
