Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
